Monday 14 March 2011

Because I'm a Mean Mom

If you're a totally super mom who is conscientiously raising great kids to be the future hope of society...this blog is probably not for you.  I am writing this blog because, as you can see from its name, I am a mean mom. This is a little misleading if you don't understand my background.

When I was a kid my mother was unquestionably the boss.  She ruled supreme.  Most of the time.  She just wouldn't take any of our shit. We hated and resented her for it and she always told us we would understand someday.  I was the only girl of her three children and my brothers were wild animals.  Mummy Dearest coined the phrase "one is like none when you have three."  There were times in my childhood when the three of us spent most of the day rolling about the house like tumbleweed, all of squirming bodies and flying fists.  We had to avoid the kitchen or she would spray us with that hose in the sink.

Anyway, whenever we felt like she was being unfair (which was always) she would reply, "Because I'm a mean mom."  Which for us was totally unsatisfying but she seemed pretty okay with it.  When I grew up, shortly after giving birth to my first child, I still did not understand.  You see, when you have a baby, you're not a real mom.  Yet.  The babyhood part of raising children is only the hazing period that initiates you into true motherhood.  Hell, when my firstborn precious treasure of a boy was still new I actually took offense when a relative called him my "kid".  How dare she refer to him with such a profane term!  He was my child, the fruit of my life-giving womb!  Well he's ten now and I have to say that "kid" is often the nicest word I have for him.

The wisdom I had to learn was this: no matter how smart you are your kids are selfish, hedonistic little idiots who have no sense of the long term or what to expect out of life.  Therefore no matter what well-reasoned argumentation you use to justify your actions they will never, never, never be satisfied.  After a while, "because I'm a mean mom" is actually a completely acceptable response.

I'm hoping to reach out to my fellow mean moms because I know you're out there, fronting to all the other mothers (just like I do) that you have your shit together when you don't.  This is a safe place where we can be ourselves while using fake names so nobody knows who we are.

1 comment:

  1. oh hell yes!!! Have you seen tiny terrorist tuesdays?? thats just the one... i havent evn scratched the surface of the other two!! LOL!