Monday, 31 October 2011

Trick or Treat!

Halloween is the best holiday of all the holidays except for maybe Mother's Day.  I have loved it best since childhood.  To hell with Christmas and all those presents and pressure.  Don't give me no Easter and Thanksgiving dinners.  Halloween is the shit.  Especially for a scream queen like myself.

This year it is my year to stay home and hand out candy to the kids.  (Yay!)  I've got The Exorcist and Rosemary's Baby to watch which are, along with The Omen, works of cinematographic art.  And I'm making guacamole and sangria.  OMG, this summer I made sangria for the first time.  It was awesome.  I went looking for recipes online but they all sounded not right somehow.  I guess it's the idea of adding gingerale or lemonade to it.  I mean it's wine.  A shot of brandy does not make it strong enough to water it down like that.  So I ended up developing my own recipe based on what I was able to learn about sangria.

I don't usually make a habit of posting my recipes on my blog but I'm going to post this one in honour of Halloween because I think it's a recipe that even my domestically challenged bitches can get behind.  And because I think that it is one of the easiest ones to make with a minimum amount of shopping.  Also, it will get you totally sloshed so proceed with caution.  When I made mine I thought Daddy was going to drink it with me.  I was as wrong about that as I was about the alcohol content of the drink and the sangria kicked my ass.  Like the recipe, this drink is for sharing.

I now proudly present to you Mommy's Killer Sangria:


Yummy!  But I would never add this much fruit.
1 750 ml bottle of red wine - It doesn't matter what kind.  You are about to mix it up with sugar and fruit and other stuff so you aren't going to notice any of the complexities or tannins or any of that other pretentious shit.  Feel free to go cheap.

1L bottle of Smirnoff Ice -  I figured why add plain lemonade when you could add hard stuff,  right?  Also, now I don't have to buy a whole bottle of brandy just so I can use one shot of it to make what might turn out to be a stupid sangria I wasn't even sure I was going to like anyway.  When was I ever going to drink brandy?  This was the part of the recipe when I thought putting regular lemonade or gingerale with red wine was going to be awful.  I once had a white wine spritzer made with Sprite and it made me lose hope in humanity.  I've always liked Smirnoff Ice and I thought it would have the right kind of grown-up lemony kick without tasting like alcoholic Mountain Dew.

1 orange, 1 lemon and 1 lime - Just squeeze the juice of these.  Most recipes I found want you to put decorative slices in the punch.  Well you know what?  I want to drink my drink without a big annoying hunk of citrus constantly bumping up against my mouth.  Instead I just put the squeezed husks of the fruit in for flavour and then fish them out before serving.

1/2 cup sugar - If you go and make a "skinny girl" out of my killer sangria I will cut you.

So they say when you make this you are supposed to mix together the wine, the fruit juice, the squeezed fruit and the sugar in a pitcher and leave it overnight.  I don't have time for that so fuck it.  I'm giving it an afternoon and serving it on ice.  When you're ready to drink grab that Smirnoff Ice you've been chilling.  The other recipes say to pour two cups into it.  I wrecked myself so badly when I made this (I'm not a drunk I just have very low tolerance) I now forget exactly how much I added.  I'm pretty sure I poured that whole bad boy in there.  This probably shouldn't affect the alcohol content but it will affect the taste so I guess just add whatever amount makes it taste good.

This is a pretty flexible recipe.  You might be asking, "What if I don't like red wine?"  I know "sangria" means something about blood which is why I picked it for a Halloween drink, but who cares?  I've always wanted to try this recipe with white wine because I think it would be great.  I'd love it if any of you could make a white wine version and tell me how it goes.

But what about the guacamole?  Are you kidding?  It's Halloween, you don't have to cook.  If you want guacamole just mash some avocados with lime, tomato and jalapeno.  It's that easy and that's why I'm making it.

Happy Halloween!

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