Tuesday 31 January 2012


I'm going to get political here.  Bear with me.

If you like reading my blog then it should come as no surprise how I feel about motherhood.  Or rather, how I feel about the myth of what everyone seems to think motherhood should be.  The idea that somehow, through the process of childbirth, women must lose their identities.

We must become Amommymous.

"Hello!  My name is Kuato's Mom!"
We must proudly give up our own names.  We can no longer be Jennifer; a woman with interests, ambitions or desires of her own.  We become Aidan's Mom or Ashlee's Mom, so that all of our interests, ambitions or desires are replaced by those of our children.   Yes we must happily transform ourselves into mindless automatons, only capable of doing what we are programmed to do.

We must give up our appearance.  We must let ourselves go and use our make-up free visage and food-stained sweatpants as badges of honour.  Time and money spent on personal appearance are time and money not spent on our children.

We must abandon the things we used to enjoy.  We no longer belong in a bar with our friends we have to get up early for Gymboree or some other crap.  We have no business watching HBO, we can't even know about it because we are so busy watching Disney Princesses or the Doodlebops (whatever the hell that is.)  We can't blast gangsta rap in the car like we used to because it's been replaced with Raffi BUT THAT'S OKAY because, as good moms, we like all this drivel kid stuff even better.

We must never think of ourselves.  The minute we put our own needs ahead of our child's we have committed an act of child abuse.  No matter what.  We must, like dogs, gratefully accept whatever is left for us after our child's needs have been met.

And if we dare to express ourselves in anyway that deviates from this celebrated amommymity; if we fail to martyr and obliterate ourselves for our children, we are deemed unfit.  It is assumed we are bad mothers, undeserving of our sacred, ordained role in life.

Hell no.

I happen to think that sometimes prioritizing your needs is putting your kids' needs first.  I think my kids deserve a happy mom who is interesting and appealing to their father.  I think my kids deserve to have a mom who is refreshed from having some "me time".  I think my kids deserve a mom that isn't filled with resentment but a model of someone who knows how to take care of herself as well as others.  I think my kids deserve to get to know the funny, quirky, messed up person their mom is and not have to wait until they are adults.

I think my kids deserve to know that they are not the center of the universe.

Because all of those things are true.

And the rest, this Amommymous?  Looks and smells of bullshit to me.


  1. Well said. Take time to still be you (in a modified way) It will make you a better mom. Trust me. I know this.

  2. Here, here!! When I get back to a computer, I am going to share this.

  3. My toddlers listen to Mumford & Sons (Sue me. Wait, don't take that literally. You hear me Amommymous?!)

    I went through hell and back to become a mommy - so I'm damned well going to do my best to stay ME to raise well-adjusted kids. Thanks for this. Needs to be said.

  4. Thank you. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I'm so SICK of people acting like I am some terrible person because I need a break from my kids sometimes. Because I don't enjoy every little moment with my kids. I am a single mother of 2 boys under the age of 4.. some days I just wish they would go away so I can have some quiet time.. it's awesome to know I'm not the only one out there who thinks that "perfect" moms are fucking nuts.