Monday 18 April 2011

Fantasy Facebook Status

Being a mom is tough.  It's hard enough having to deal with the tasks of parenting the little ingrates but we also have to be our own PR rep.  I find it absolutely necessary to spend at least a little time each day staving off the extreme anxiety over the permanent scars I am probably leaving in my kids by flaunting my superior momminess to the facebook paparazzi (as if anyone could read it without rolling their eyes). Here's an example:

"I gave up fun and freedom and all kinds of crap I used to love for the honour of becoming a mother, the most sacred role in the universe, and I would never, ever change a thing because I am so perfect at being grateful for my little gifts from God.  Repost this if you agree.  99.9% of you won't have the guts..."

I'm not really sure why I should be expecting a pat on the back for doing something I'm supposed to be doing, but all the other moms do it and I would look pretty bad  if I didn't love every little particle of mothering, wouldn't I?  One of these days I would just love to post a status that reflects more accurately my thoughts and feelings on mothering.  If only I had a secret mommy blog where I felt like I could tell the truth. 

Oh right, I do!

Today's post would be:  "Being a mom is the most over-rated job in the world." 

I was just thinking about when I was pregnant for the first time and everybody went on and on about how being a mom is the hardest job in the world.  Well, I've been a mom for ten years now and I'm not gonna lie: that part is pure bullshit.  Don't get me wrong, it's no cakewalk either.  In fact it is the hardest job I've personally had.  But going around saying stupid stuff like it's "the hardest job in the world" kind of reduces your credibility.  Would you rather be pulling a rickshaw in Calcutta?  Or cleaning up that mess at Fukushima?  Yeah, I think I'll stick to the job that I can technically get done in my pajamas, thanks.

About a week ago I would have loved to be able to say: "Click 'like' if you hate your kids today!" 

Yeah, I said it.  Last week I totally hated my kids.  My unconditional mommy love was merely an academic concept I had to accept on authority.  You know what I found out?  That is normal.  If you came up to me and told me about the really cute way your kid bit your thigh, or the adorable way they scream on the floor at the grocery store I would think you're nuts.  It's one thing to put up with this, understanding that it is a part of the deal when your contraception fails you choose to have children.  It's quite another to brag about how you wouldn't change a thing. 

Which brings me to my next fantasy post: "I love my kids but I really hate being a mom." 

I am willing to bet that this is the most universal of mommy feelings.  Everyone loves their kids and no one, except for the Stepford-nutjob-trophy-wives who can afford nannies, loves being a mom.  Just ask your own mother.  Now that her job is done and she is no longer under the pressure of having to be the most perfect loving mother in the world she will tell you that the best job is being a grandmother.  If being a mom is so great, see if you can get her to trade places with you.  Of course she will just laugh at you. 

Because the truth is that loving your kids and parenting them are not the same thing.  It just so happens that the people I love most in the world fell out of my vagina and so I am saddled with the responsibility of giving them the guidance they need to become the kind of people that other people can love, too.

1 comment:

  1. Exactly. Times like a thousand. I'm so tired of 1) moms expecting everyone to celebrate them when what they're doing is probably no more than mediocre. And 2) moms pretending that they just love every single thing about that mediocre life.