Tuesday 23 August 2011

Because You Asked For It: What Would Jesus Do?

Source: Child Central

1st grader acting very badly.  christian home!

What do I do???  My 7 year old is lieing, stealing from classmates, hurting friends, telling them she's going to beat up their dads.  She's been in the office several times, she knows better, knows shes acting badly, and is sorry, but seems to get mad and angry ad forgets the rules and is just plain mean!  She does ok at home, but is in constant trouble at the store, church friends houses and at school, Her father and i talk to her, read her the bible, spanking does not seem to bother her more than an hour or so after, she's in trouble again..........What do we do?


Dear Traci,

Seeing as how none of those rude women responding to your problem were willing to give you the uniquely Christian advice you were looking for, I felt bad and wanted to help.  It must be frustrating to want Christ-centered parenting advice only to be given all kinds of useless suggestions about "behavioural problems" and "pediatric specialists".  Though I myself am not a Christian, I have read the Bible so I will do the best I can.

I've been told by many good Christian friends of mine that when they are in doubt about what they should do in a situation they ask the question, "What would Jesus do?"

I'm pretty sure that Jesus would hit your daughter more.  Because Paul says we have to obey the law (Romans 13:1) you won't be able to hit her as hard as she needs or deserves.  Instead you are going to have to spank her every hour on the hour, just to prevent her from such willful and deliberate sin as you described (Prov. 23:14).  The consequence of sin is death (Romans 6:23), so it seems to me (and I'm sure Jesus would agree) that this is the best possible way for you to love your daughter. 

But is hitting her enough?

Her recidivism rate says not.  And so wouldn't Jesus want to instill in your daughter a proper, mind-numbing fear of God?  You say you read the Bible to your daughter, but have you read all of it?  Because I did and I gotta tell you, it horrified me!  Even though I'm a non-Christian I've been trying to obey all the rules anyway, just in case.  Most Christian parents I know stick to the teachings of Jesus, meek and mild, but that's not enough because maybe they won't realize that someday, when we least expect it (Matt. 24:36), He is coming back with a sword in His mouth and His eyes on fire, ready to kick some ass (Rev. 1:14,16).

Like this, only more terrifying.

Jesus says everyone needs to be ready for that moment at all times (Matt. 24: 42-51).   The Bible says that Jesus loves children (Mark 10:13-16) so I feel confident that He would be all about beating her often and scaring the shit out of her.  If that fails it's worse than you thought.  That's when Jesus would have to cast out her demons (Mark 9:17-26).  I hope you know a good exorcist.

                                                                          -Mommy Rotten

(Click here for more Lego interpretations of the Bible)


  1. Bahahaha! All I can say..... this IS spectacular!

  2. "telling them she's going to beat up their dads"

    I want to get drunk with this kid, she sounds badass.

  3. I know, right? If someone told me my kid said that I would have a hard time not laughing as I assure the person that we do indeed frown on this sort of thing (snort). Maybe it is just a phase for her. Y'know, a response to living with this woman, maybe? I might get "mad and angry ad forget the rules" too.