Wednesday 21 December 2011

Does This Make Me a REAL Blogger Now?

There are certain landmarks I aim to hit in order to chart my progress as a blogger.  It was very lonely in the beginning when I got almost no pageviews at all.  Then my friends and family started catching on.  I was super happy when I had evidence that people who were complete strangers were reading my blog and even coming back for more!  Then I got my first comment.  Bliss!  I'm still looking forward to my first negative comment and my first troll and if I'm lucky those two things will be wrapped up in one.  But today I hit a new landmark!  Yay!

I'm actually working on a post about Hanukkah right now but I took a moment to check my email and saw that someone was approaching me as a guest blogger.  At first I was excited that someone wants to put their stuff on my blog, but then I read the whole message.  So, being the snarky bitch that I am I took the time not only to reply, but to post it here on my blog.  Hopefully you will find it funny because I'm pretty sure that people guilty of these shenanigans will totally miss the post as well as the point.  Enjoy.


I was just wondering if you ever consider accepting guest posts on your site, ? I have written a few articles on a number of early childhood education topics and thought you may be interested in reading one with hopes that you will post it.  December is "Read a New Book Month", so I thought you might be interested in posting an article about teaching children to read, but I could also write about a variety of other topics, like cooking with children, teaching children table manners, etc.  If you would like to take a look at an article just let me know.  Please feel free to get back to me with any questions or concerns!  I look forward to the opportunity to work with you and your site.

Emily Patterson
Marketing Support Coordinator
Primrose Schools

Dear Emily,

I'm not sure that my blog is really a good place for the kinds of posts you are looking to put here.  First of all, I frequently advise my readers to swear at their children.  I even go further and advise them to teach their children all the swear words and combinations of swear words so that their kids will know what not to say (or repeat from their parents).  In fact most of my stuff is about how to raise children while avoiding them as much as possible to preserve your sanity.  Plus, my favourite word in the world is "fuck" so I'm not sure my blog is the place people are going to when they want to teach their children good manners.

I want to feel bad about this because I am very interested in supporting fellow writers but I am prevented from feeling any guilt by the fact that you clearly haven't even read my blog yet you expect me to read your stuff so you can profit from my audience.  I hope you appreciate the irony here, considering the fact that you are trying to get people to read and all.  Does that make you a hypocrite?  It might, Rabbit.  It might.

Mommy Rotten


  1. :) there goes that warm and fuzzy feeling!! If your interested in Children terrorists, I'm your chick.. I have one and I do love a good guest post.

  2. Would love that! I've wanted to have guests for a while now but I felt like I wasn't popular enough yet to make that worth while for someone. Like, are there rules or something? If you have something you'd be willing to send me email

  3. Totally awesome. I knew I was a real blogger when I got my first spam/phish comment. I was able to turn "Susan" and her desperate request for $8,000USD into not one, but TWO blog posts. Never miss an opportunity, I always say. I still wonder what ever happened to Susan and her family after they got stranded in Scotland and then apparently swam the English Channel to London. *sigh* Good times.

  4. Ahahaha! I have been refusing to delete my junk mail because it is 100% filled with requests for money from poor orphan girls being kept from their inheritance money by evil uncles and brothers etc. Aaah. Poor Susan.