Wednesday 6 November 2013

Ten Rationalizations That Make It Okay For Me To Steal My Kids' Halloween Candy

1) Sharing is good.  They should learn to share their candy (even if they can't possibly know they are sharing because they are asleep right now).

2) Frack's bag weighs as much as he does.  He can't possibly eat all that candy.

3) In fact it would be bad for him to eat all that candy.  In fact, it would be irresponsible of me not to eat some of his candy.

4) It's okay as long as I don't eat his favourite ones.  As long as I don't eat that full candy bar (he'll definitely notice that one missing) he won't even mind.

5) I should probably eat some of Frick's candy, too though.  He came home with three bags full, so he can spare a few pieces.  As long as I don't touch his full candy bar, he'll be fine with it.

6) They don't even like the Coffee Crisp bars.  I'm sure it's okay to have as many of those as I want.

7) Sure, the peanut butter cups are their favourite but they have so many of those.  They won't notice if I only take a few.

8)  I'll only eat the chocolate bars.  More than half of this candy is rockets, gummi bears and other crap like that, they won't be missing anything.

9) I put all the leftover candy that didn't get handed out into Frack's bag.  So it's okay to eat as many of those as I want.  I did pay for them, after all.

10) Fuck it, I am an adult.  I do what I want.  I am totally eating their candy.

*Update*: I have eaten far too much candy.  Seriously.  I think I need an intervention or something.  OMG, I have no self control.

1 comment:

  1. Getting to steal your kids' trick-or-treat candy is a fair payback for growing up and not being allowed to go trick-or-treating for yourself anymore!