Wednesday 3 October 2012

A Weird thing Happened on the Way to School Today....

Ever have the bizarre experience of having an entire conversation through your child?  I've heard of this phenomenon before usually through anecdotes people tell about their passive aggressive mothers-in-law.  But since I get along great with mine I had yet to have the experience.  I certainly didn't expect it to come in this form.

Because it was truly nutty.

Every day when I walk Frack to school I bring the dog with us and let Frack let run ahead of me.  It makes him feel grownup.  He knows he can run as far as the Stop sign at the corner and then he waits there for me.  This time was no different but I guess someone saw him standing there from around the corner and maybe thought that he might be alone because they couldn't see me.  I could see he was talking to someone.

Then that someone came into view and I saw it was the Standard Poodle Lady.  The one who lets her dog walk all over the place and shit smack dab in the middle of people's lawns.  She has her four year old son with her.  When I finally catch up to Frack I can tell she is having a hard time understanding him.

"What's that, honey?"

He is trying to tell her his name.  When I get there she smiles at me and then makes a big point of asking his name again and he rolls his eyes with the "I already told you, Lady" look on his face and says "Back!"

She looks at me expectantly and says nothing.

"Oh!  Uh...his name is Frack."

Then she looks back at Frack.

"Hello, Frack.  How old are you Frack?"

He tells her "Bour."

She looks at me with eyebrows raised, still saying nothing.

"He's four."

"Well my little boy is four, too.  Do you go to school?"


"Are you in Mrs. Smith's class, too?

"No,  Misses Di-in-nnerrrr."  (This is how he pronounces "Dillinger")

She asks him to repeat himself a few more times before looking at me expectantly to provide her with the silently requested translation.  This process goes on for several more questions.  Do you like school?  Is that your dog?  What's his name? etc.  Meanwhile all I'm trying to do while translating for Frack is get past her without letting our dogs get too close.

The only time I have little control over my dog is when he's around other dogs.  My tactic has always been to avoid these situations unless I know that the other dog is well behaved and under the control of its owner.  I have mentioned before that Mrs. Standard Poodle's control over her dog is dubious at best.  But did I mention that Mrs. Standard Poodle is also hugely pregnant?

I'm genuinely worried that our dogs are going to cause her to fall over making her go into early labour while worrying about appearing rude because I'm desperately trying to get away from her because I'm worried about my dog asphyxiating on his choke collar in his enthusiasm to get to the Standard Poodle.

It's pretty amazing that I should be so worried about seeming rude to someone who hasn't even bothered to talk to me while simultaneously getting me to perform interpreter services in what seems to be the most awkwardly contrived adult-child interaction in history.  It's even more amazing that she kept trying to continue the conversation as we were walking away from her.

"Do you like your teacher?  Are you in the afternoon class, too?  Is that where you're going now?"

Is it safe to say this lady is officially weird and avoid any future contact with her?  'Cause I'm totally doing that.


  1. That is funny. I know a person or two like that . . . they just keep talking even while you're walking away . . . almost like they're talking to themselves.