Wednesday 24 October 2012

Top Ten WTF? Slutty Halloween Costumes

I love this song for its commentary on predictable Halloween costumes and, more specifically, the predictability of the slutty Halloween costume which is "something you'll definitely see."

Now, I'm not here to cast any judgment on women and their choice of dress and how that might reflect on their perceived sexual behaviour.  As far as I'm concerned the "It's Halloween so it's okay" rule stands.  You're an adult so do what you like.  I rocked a few slutty costumes myself back in the day and it was fun.  Mind you, back then when we wanted to look slutty for Halloween we chose costumes that naturally lent themselves to sluttiness: sexy nurse, sexy french maid, sexy kitty.  Hooker.  Once I dressed up as "Crack Whore Barbie" and it was hilarious.

But these days there are literally no limits for Halloween costume sluttery.  None.  Whatsoever.  It's like, OMG!  Why are they making everything slutty!?!  So today, after much laborious research, I present to you the Top Ten in WTF? Slutty Halloween Costumes.

10) Slutty Sesame Street.

You would think that googly-eyed monsters covered in fur and feathers would be the last thing in the world to lend itself to sluttiness.  You would be wrong!  You've got slutty Cookie Monster, slutty Big Bird, slutty Bert and Ernie.....there's even a slutty Oscar the Grouch.  Because nothing says "sexy" like dressing up as a cantankerous, homeless monster who lives in a garbage can.  Hot!!!

9) Slutty Mrs. Potato Head.

If Slutty Sesame Street wasn't disturbing enough for you, you could always dress up as the slutty version of your favourite childhood toy.  Introducing Slutty Mrs. Potato Head.  The only thing this costume leaves to the imagination is trying to imagine where she stores all those Potato Head accessories.  Brought to you by Playskool.

8) Slutty Chewbacca.

If you're a fangirl looking to get the attention of that fanboy you've been crushing on, don't get lost in the crowd of slutty Princess Leias.  Make yoruself stand out.  Nothing screams "Sexy!" quite like a wookie.  And if your fanboy disagrees you can always threaten to tear his arms off.  Seriously, the only thing that could surprise me right now would be a "Jabba the Slutt" costume.

7) Slutty Big Mac.

And slutty Big Mac is only the tip of the iceberg.  You can be any slutty food you want.  I've seen slutty corn, a slutty hotdog, and slutty condiments.  There are so many possibilities.  I just picked slutty Big Mac because it was my favourite.

It's like I'm reading "The Very Slutty Caterpillar"
6) Slutty Willy Wonka.

Seriously there's a slutty Willy Wonka.  Can you imagine the jokes?  I imagine they would sound just like Kate Winslet talking dirty.

5) Slutty Leatherface.

Did you like the slutty Freddy Kreuger from the video?  I did.  So why not slut up any of your favourite horror movie killers?  Why not slutty Leatherface?  Just say it out loud to hear how ridiculous this is.  Slutty Leatherface.  There's also a slutty Jason Voorhees, slutty Hannibal Lecter and slutty Michael Myers.

4) Slutty SpongeBob SquarePants

If you asked me to name the least sexy cartoon I know it would have to SpongeBob.  He''s literally square shaped, has buck teeth and the sponge holes in his body just look like problem skin to me.  But the good people at (who, BTW are the brilliant minds behind most, if not all, of the costumes made here) said "SpongeBob SquarePants?  Challenge accepted."

3) Slutty George Washington.

For the slutty American History enthusiast we have the slutty George Washington.  Soon we'll be able to honour all the founding fathers on Halloween, slut-style.

2) Slutty Shrek.

If you asked me to name the least sexy cartoon I would name SpongeBob because I momentarily forgot about Shrek.  Shrek: the ogre who lives in the swamp and drinks eyeball highballs.  Shrek: the ogre who reeks from every pore and orifice.  Shrek: the ogre whose catch phrase is "Better out than in!"  Couldn't we at least have gone with slutty Fiona?  No?  Alrighty then.

And finally, for the number one WTF? Slutty Halloween Costume we have:

1) Slutty Osama Bin Laden.

Okay, this isn't an actual Halloween costume.  But judging by the slutty costumes I've already listed here it's only a matter of time.

Personally I think Halloween is the best time to dress up "slutty".  It's the only time that a woman can dress provocatively and not have her morality questioned too much and it can be fun.  Funny even.

But for me now that I'm 36 and have two kids, I'm kind of past these kinds of costumes.

I think I'll move on to slutty dog costumes.

For more slutty dog costumes go here.

(I've teased Yandy here a lot but they are actually a terrific website for lingerie shopping.  I might just get myself  a little costume to wear for my husband.)

(I got the Slutty Osama Bin Laden here.)


  1. You had me at slutty Chewbacca. So I guess Berg and Ernie aren't gay after all huh?

  2. Sure they are! Just girl-on-girl gay. Maybe that's the appeal of the costume? Does anyone dress as slutty Bert without their slutty Ernie?

  3. "The Very Slutty Caterpillar" had me literally CACKLING. Then I had to slam my laptop shut before the boy came over to see what was so funny.

    Also, I have seen slutty Freddy at a party and she made me so mad I ground off the cusps of three teeth while she made small talk with me.

  4. You know Vince, I usually don't publish comments that are kinda spammy but for you I have made an exception. Mostly because your name is Vince (Vinny!) which I like and because, what the hell, who DOESN'T like exotic sexy stories?

    I don't know I'm in a weird mood today,