Thursday 25 July 2013

An Open Letter to the Dude Who Posted His Wife's Crazy Tantrum on Youtube

Dear Jim Mongiat,

         I, like more than 600,000 people, recently watched your wife's crazy tantrum that you decided to post on Youtube.  First let me just say, Holy shit Dude!  I am sorry you had to live with that.  There is a lot of speculation over which one of you guys is the bigger asshole: whether what we were watching was a result of immaturity, poor mental health or perhaps you are a sociopathic bastard who pushed her to that point.

I don't think you are a sociopathic bastard.  I've seen and experienced what sociopathic bastards do in a relationship and while they can make you crazy to the point of acting out the results do not look like your wife.  Yes, there's crying and sometimes screaming but it looks a lot less like a tantrum and a lot more like a nervous breakdown.

Your wife was most definitely having a tantrum.  As a mother I have seen lots of those.  Looking at that video was almost exactly like watching a video of my son melting down over a loss of privileges.  Your (now ex) wife has spoken out and to me, even her own defense sounds like she decided to up and have a tantrum because she did not get her way.  Oh, I believe her when she says you egged her on (I'll explain why in a moment) but I don't think that explains/justifies why a grown woman in her thirties decided to reduce herself to the antics of a spoiled three year old:

Man, I feel for you.  I really do.  To be in a marriage with someone like that must be awful.  I have no doubt she was likely making you look bad to your friends, and that must have been very frustrating.  If I knew you as a friend most likely I would have been on your side.......right up until you decided to post a video of your wife's tantrum on Youtube.

I get that this is ironic since I wouldn't even know who you were and would therefore have no opinion on you or your marriage whatsoever if you had not posted the video, but life is weird like that.  Here's what I think:

I think it must be frustrating to think you were marrying your life partner and ending up with a child in adult's clothing.  I think it must suck to know that all her friends think you are a primo asshole.  Having lived with some pretty epic tantrums from my kids I even know what it feels like to want to document the behaviour on video so you can say, "Can you freaking believe this?"

But you know what?  As much as I empathize with you I can't help but feel like maybe you knew she was like this before you got married.  I find it difficult to believe that your relationship never experienced stress or you guys never had any arguments before marriage.  Did she really never throw a tantrum in front of you before you popped the question?

Well, maybe she did.  But hey, the heart wants what it wants, right?  You were in love and believed it wasn't a deal breaker or foolishly thought it would get better.  It happens to the best of us.

And maybe you have the right to be able to defend yourself from her accusations.  It sucks to have your reputation destroyed by the person who is supposed to be most loyal to you.  I can understand how living with this behaviour took the spark out of your relationship and made you want to phone it in.

But then you posted the video on Youtube.

You posted a video.  Of your wife.  On Youtube.

Look, I can see that she is acting like a child but she is not, in fact, a child.  Like it or not she was your wife.  Your adult wife.  That you freely chose to be married to (I assume).  And you can tell me all you like about her drinking problem or the fact that she can't be bothered with couples therapy or that she calls you every prick under the sun to your mutual acquaintances but I still fail to see how your decision to publicly post the video to Youtube makes you any better of a person.

Because it doesn't.

All you have proved is that you are every bit as childish as your wife.  You have not redeemed your reputation at all.  And based on the smug, condescending tone in your voice when you are talking to her I have no problem believing that you encourage her tantrums when she is having them.  It sounds like you think they are funny.  You do not sound like a guy who is invested in problem solving, or compromising or doing any of the things that are necessary to make a marriage work.

Because what you obviously haven't learned from your 15 months of marriage is that it isn't how much you love each other, or how great your sex life is, or how much you have in common that makes a marriage last.  It's how you handle the shit.  The defining factor to the success of a marriage is what it looks like when you are both at your very worst.  It's not why you fight but how you fight and how you resolve conflict that makes it work.

It's pretty easy to point a finger at your wife, she makes a great and ridiculous target.  But if you think you are going to solve any problems in your marriage by trying to "fix" her flaws or, failing that, humiliate her by posting them on Youtube you have a lot to learn my friend.  Maybe you did try everything.  Maybe you've completely given up and that's why you come across as such a jerk in your video but you could have taken the high road, filed for divorce and moved on.  Like an adult.

But you didn't.

So now the whole world knows what a brat your wife is, but guess what?  You are internet famous too,  and now everyone also knows that you like to solve your relationship problems by vindictively showing your partner at her very worst to the entire world.

Who wouldn't want some of that?

Poor, misunderstood, nice guy.

1 comment:

  1. Okay. First of all, she is a crazy bitch. And by "crazy," I do NOT mean "mentally ill," I mean "bitches be crazy." If that was a real breakdown, I don't think she'd be fussing with her hair and playing on her phone.

    HOWEVER, he is laughing, rather than doing what I would do, which is to pull over and either try to talk some sense into her, or kick her out of the car.

    AND, he was SECRETLY filming. He revealed it at the very end, sure, but we don't get to see her reaction.

    Conclusion: they deserve each other.