Mommy's Rotten Music: Chicks Are Kick Ass

Most of my life has been spent around boys.  It's like I'm surrounded by penises everywhere I go (hell of a mental image, innit?).   When you're a girl who likes to play bass guitar and wants to be in a band you have to be pretty comfortable around guys.  It seems like a majority of musicians are male.

Hanging out with guys most of the time can be easy and uncomplicated, which is pretty nice, but you still have to put up with some bullshit.  I could handle the locker-room talk, I could handle the stinky feet, but what never failed to piss me off was being "pooh-poohed" because I'm a girl.  As a band member, when you're a chick, you have to get used to fighting over song choices, fighting to have your music heard, fighting to have your opinion count and fighting to be taken seriously because statistically, there's a high occurrence of some douchebag cock-blocking your every move.

(*Note* In my first band, our guitarist's name was "Douchin'".  It's not really spelled like that but it is totally pronounced like that.  It's Serbian.  And yes, he was a cock-blocking douchebag of the highest order.)

Most of the time guys like that are saying stupid shit like "you're pretty good for a girl" or that "there are no good girl bands."  I think it's the same mentality as guys who say "there are no funny female comedians".  Maybe they just don't relate or they assume they won't relate or maybe they just can't wrap their tiny brains around the concept that women can be good at something that isn't making cakes and babies.  So I dedicate this post to all those guys out there (Yeah, I'm talking to you, Douchin') who think chicks can't cut it when it comes to music.

This first band was the first "girl band" I ever really liked.  I had been yearning for some female representation that wasn't Madonna (blessed be Her name) in the music world.  I wanted to see a chick behind an axe and kicking ass.  I like their shoe-gazer, dream pop sound but I have to be honest, it was this song that really made me fall in love with them:

Even though Lush is not an all girl band, they are in my mind a girl band in that most of the creative direction and writing is in the hands of the females in the band, which means that the overall voice of the music they make is a feminine one.  And yes, Douchin', it still counts even though the guys are providing the "cock and balls" for the sound (he actually said that, ugh.)  Miki and Emma's guitar skills stand on their own.

This next band came to me through my sister in law.  She knows about my quirky taste in performance artists and she happened upon "Rasputina".  And by "happened upon" I mean she ended up at one of their shows in Toronto.  Lucky bitch.  Because to truly appreciate Rasputina you really need to see them live, and I haven't yet.  But that doesn't really matter because OMG they are an all-cello band!  Cello!  So you can get the full impact of their sound I am about to post this very boring to look at video:

I love their sound, I love the stories they tell in their songs, and I love their fashion sense.  (I've always wanted a corset.).

Finally comes a band that I discovered on a surprisingly decent soundtrack to a surprisingly shitty movie.

I am in love with Jeff Goldblum.  I find him indescribably sexy.  And by "indescribably sexy" I mean I can't explain exactly why I find him sexy, I just do.  So back in '95 when "Hideaway" came out I went to see it.  I figured, hey Jeff decided to be in it so how bad can it be?  Pretty bad, apparently.  Fucking Alicia Silverstone.  I should have known better.  So I ended up paying more attention to the soundtrack, and I really liked it.  As soon as I could I got my boyfriend to buy it so I could get a free copy  I went right out and bought it.  It featured KMFDM, Fear Factory, and Sister Machine Gun but my favourite was Miranda Sex Garden

These are not the soft and sappy girls of Lilith Fair.  There is nothing Indigo Girls or Sarah McLachlan or Jewel about these women.  They are kick ass artists with kick ass skills.  Edgy, kick ass chicks.

Mommy's Rotten Music: Teen Angst Edition

As children, my brothers and I were obsessed with music videos.  It happened because one Saturday morning we were watching David Bowie's video for "China Girl" and Mummy Dearest walked in right at the part where David Bowie is tongue-kissing the naked China Girl and you can totally see his ass*.  Music videos were banned in our house for years after that.  We had to sneak to our friends' house across the street to watch them.  We couldn't resist their siren song calling out to us from the Johnson's PayTV.  They were the forbidden fruit of our childhood.

*I went looking for the video to post here but all the ones I found were edited.  I was like, WTF?  Did my seven year old brain have some kind of sexy-hallucination?  It was like the first tongue-kiss/nudity I ever saw.  It was a very formative experience.  To this day I have this inexplicable crush on David Bowie.  I'm pissed that I can't find that video because I usually name it as my all time favourite!  They bastardized it!  Go here to watch the edited version.  At 1:21 is that David Bowie getting all racist?  Holy shit, I don't remember that!   Of course, it was the eighties.  People were kind of assholes back then.* 

By the time we were teenagers Mummy figured she had lost the battle so she lifted the ban and the floodgates were open.  They replaced our Saturday morning lineup of Smurfs, Snorks and Muppet Babies.  In a time before the internet, music videos were the best way to find new music. 

I was first introduced to Perry Farrel by MTV* the summer before I entered grade 10.  I immediately fell in love.  This video was unlike any I had seen before.  It tickles me and sends, I think, a rather wholesome message.  Youtube isn't letting me post it here (fack!).  For the original awesomeness click here.  If you're lazy and just want to hear the song (and because it makes my blog post look much more interesting and because this may be my all time favourite album cover...what is this thing I have with nudity?) there's this:

*In Canada we get Much Music but my (step)dad wanted to watch hockey 24/7 so we had a satellite dish and, therefore, access to MTV*

The colourful hair, cross dressing and glamourization of petty crime made it a sure-fire hit for a girl whose (step)father's worst nightmare was that she "get weird".  If he had been more worried about me getting slutty than he was with how I dressed I probably would have become a stripper instead of just wearing a lot of black.  Fathers of daughters, take note.  Jane's Addiction would go on to become one of my biggest influences as a musician.

A few short weeks after seeing that video came the first day of school.  I was talking with a couple of my girlfriends, Jen and Jenn, at their locker and they were telling me about something called "Lollapalooza".  They had somehow managed to convince their parents to let them go. Inside their locker were magazine pictures of people with hair like the guys in Jane's Addiction showing off pierced or bifurcated tongues and wearing heavy boots.  My friends did not have any crazy body-mods but they were wearing black, ten hole Doc Martens and they were listening to a tape called "Nine Inch Nails", which at the time, was about the craziest band name I had ever heard.  Jenn handed me her walkman and commanded me to listen.  It blew my adolescent mind:

The stupid bell rang and I didn't even get to hear the whole song.  Do you have any idea how late I had to stay up to catch this video on MTV?  Two in the morning.  Back then nobody gave a shit about NIN, which made them seem even better.  It paid off though because the host of the show loved them so much he played three more of their videos (which were clearly home made).  This is why guys like Perry Farrel had to invent things like "Lollapalooza" #howironic.  A few days later I bought a cassette of "Pretty Hate Machine".  I still have it.

That was when I started begging for the boots.  I made every possible argument my reasonably intelligent brain could come up with.  They were expensive but I would save up for them and they were guaranteed to last forever so it was actually an investment and they wouldn't have to buy me any more shoes probably until I moved out.  As much as I yearned to rebel, I was by habit an obedient child, which in the end went a long way towards getting the go-ahead for the boots.  After all, Mummy told (step)dad, they were just shoes.  What harm could they do? #Iwasateenagegothchick

Finally, the song that made everything bearable in the unbearable year I was 17.  My parents' relationship was on its last broken legs and things were ugly.  My (step)dad was (and still is) one of the World's Greatest Assholes.  So much so, that he now has to live in a different country to get away from all the friends and family he has screwed over.  Sorry Florida, he's your problem now.  I was old enough for it to be pretty obvious he was screwing around and he wasn't as good at lying as he thought.  Either that or he didn't give me very much credit.  This pretty much cured me of my inherent obedience.

Ah, that was the year my mom bought me the coveted Czech army boots with even more holes than my Docs (which, to the Asshole's relief had been stolen from me the previous year) just to piss him off.  Way to go Mummy!  She also got my brothers bigger, louder amplifiers for their guitars, so they could make even more racket the Asshole couldn't stand.  For my part I had a habit of loudly practicing my bass when he was home by playing along to my favourite songs.  The two songs above were on the list but the one I dedicated specially to him was from Rage Against the Machine:

The original video is here.  I loved them so much for this song I learned to play the entire album.  I'm sorry to say that I didn't pay much attention to Zack de la Rocha's message about racism, violence and social consciousness.  I know that makes me a suburbanite asshole but I was too young to know better.  At that time my reality was that The Man was living in my house and I had to Take the Power Back!  Motherfucker!

I still love this music.  It's a big part of who I am when you peel back the Mommy layers.  What I'm curious to know is how in the hell are my kids going to stick it to me when they're teens?  Muzak?  Katy Perry?


Update!   I was bitching to Daddy about the edited David Bowie video.  He found the original for me in about 20 seconds.  Apparently I was so upset it never occurred to me to search for the uncensored version.  So, for your viewing pleasure, here is David Bowie's ass:

You're welcome.

Music Soothes This Savage Breastfeeder

One of my sources sent me this great article (thanks Jen!) about how scientists used violent video games to measure aggression in breastfeeding moms vs. aggression in formula feeding moms.  I know this is going to come as a huge shock but the results showed that breastfeeding women are twice as aggressive than their formula feeding counterparts who showed no higher aggression levels than non-mothers.

I'm perfectly willing to believe that.  It would explain a lot about the near-religious zeal breast-feeders tend to have about how they feed their babies and the underground crusade they fight every time they approach a woman and ask her how she feeds her baby.  I confess, I was a breast-feeder, but I like to think that I was not so aggro. I think this is due to my love of music.

Music is a huge part of my life.  When I was 16 my clever parents bought me a bass guitar for my birthday.  I banged out all of my teenage angst on that thing instead of on some drummer.  (Well, actually my boyfriend at the time did happen to be a drummer, but he was the only one, I swear!)  Anyway, I was a very angry teen and it was music that saved me from acting out in worse ways than dying my hair black and wearing Czechoslovakian army boots.  I spent my weekends at band practice, not parties.

Reading through other blogs and tweeting with like-minded moms I can see that music is not just important to me, but it's the life breath of every bad-ass mom that ever struggled to maintain her identity in the face of Barney, Caillou and Sesame Street.  It is the beacon of sanity amidst a crowd of other parents who seem perfectly happy listening to Raffi and wonder why you're not waiting in line overnight to get front row tickets to the Doodlebops.  It is the personal anthem, that special song you rock out to while doing housework or hiding from your kids that shouts out "I am more than Mommy!  I am me!"

So I decided to go out on a limb here and share my music with you, reasonably confident that it's not so lame my readers will stop reading my stuff.  My taste in music is all over the place so I hope you enjoy.  And please, if you have any suggestions for me share them!  I'm always on the hunt for something new.

This song is by a band called "Cults".  I love their 1960's sound and how the upbeat light sound is in direct contrast with the darker content of the lyrics.  I first heard this song on an episode of Weeds:

This is one of many favourites by the band "Iron and Wine".  I'm told this song was featured on an episode of Skins.  This was a bit of a departure for me but I fell in love with their bluegrassy-bluesy, folk kind of sound.  Plus the lyrics are great!

Finally, this one was recommended to me by my brother and I only listened to it because the name of the band was too awesome.  This is "Black Rebel Motorcycle Club" and I think the name really says it all:

I'm thinking about doing this on a regular basis.  If you like what I've got here leave a comment or tweet me.  Have a rockin' weekend bitches!