Monday, 19 September 2011

Mommy's Rotten Music: Chicks Are Kick Ass

Most of my life has been spent around boys.  It's like I'm surrounded by penises everywhere I go (hell of a mental image, innit?).   When you're a girl who likes to play bass guitar and wants to be in a band you have to be pretty comfortable around guys.  It seems like a majority of musicians are male.

Hanging out with guys most of the time can be easy and uncomplicated, which is pretty nice, but you still have to put up with some bullshit.  I could handle the locker-room talk, I could handle the stinky feet, but what never failed to piss me off was being "pooh-poohed" because I'm a girl.  As a band member, when you're a chick, you have to get used to fighting over song choices, fighting to have your music heard, fighting to have your opinion count and fighting to be taken seriously because statistically, there's a high occurrence of some douchebag cock-blocking your every move.

(*Note* In my first band, our guitarist's name was "Douchin'".  It's not really spelled like that but it is totally pronounced like that.  It's Serbian.  And yes, he was a cock-blocking douchebag of the highest order.)

Most of the time guys like that are saying stupid shit like "you're pretty good for a girl" or that "there are no good girl bands."  I think it's the same mentality as guys who say "there are no funny female comedians".  Maybe they just don't relate or they assume they won't relate or maybe they just can't wrap their tiny brains around the concept that women can be good at something that isn't making cakes and babies.  So I dedicate this post to all those guys out there (Yeah, I'm talking to you, Douchin') who think chicks can't cut it when it comes to music.

This first band was the first "girl band" I ever really liked.  I had been yearning for some female representation that wasn't Madonna (blessed be Her name) in the music world.  I wanted to see a chick behind an axe and kicking ass.  I like their shoe-gazer, dream pop sound but I have to be honest, it was this song that really made me fall in love with them:

Even though Lush is not an all girl band, they are in my mind a girl band in that most of the creative direction and writing is in the hands of the females in the band, which means that the overall voice of the music they make is a feminine one.  And yes, Douchin', it still counts even though the guys are providing the "cock and balls" for the sound (he actually said that, ugh.)  Miki and Emma's guitar skills stand on their own.

This next band came to me through my sister in law.  She knows about my quirky taste in performance artists and she happened upon "Rasputina".  And by "happened upon" I mean she ended up at one of their shows in Toronto.  Lucky bitch.  Because to truly appreciate Rasputina you really need to see them live, and I haven't yet.  But that doesn't really matter because OMG they are an all-cello band!  Cello!  So you can get the full impact of their sound I am about to post this very boring to look at video:

I love their sound, I love the stories they tell in their songs, and I love their fashion sense.  (I've always wanted a corset.).

Finally comes a band that I discovered on a surprisingly decent soundtrack to a surprisingly shitty movie.

I am in love with Jeff Goldblum.  I find him indescribably sexy.  And by "indescribably sexy" I mean I can't explain exactly why I find him sexy, I just do.  So back in '95 when "Hideaway" came out I went to see it.  I figured, hey Jeff decided to be in it so how bad can it be?  Pretty bad, apparently.  Fucking Alicia Silverstone.  I should have known better.  So I ended up paying more attention to the soundtrack, and I really liked it.  As soon as I could I got my boyfriend to buy it so I could get a free copy  I went right out and bought it.  It featured KMFDM, Fear Factory, and Sister Machine Gun but my favourite was Miranda Sex Garden


These are not the soft and sappy girls of Lilith Fair.  There is nothing Indigo Girls or Sarah McLachlan or Jewel about these women.  They are kick ass artists with kick ass skills.  Edgy, kick ass chicks.

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