Thursday 22 September 2011

Thanks, One Million Moms!

A couple of weeks ago I found out about a lovely little group called "One Million Moms" (No way am I linking to their nasty little site).  They were brought to my attention because of the controversy generated over their objections to Dancing With the Stars inviting Chaz Bono to dance on their show with (gasp!) a female.  Of course this really pissed me off.  Something you should know about me is that 1) I can't stand a bully and 2) I'm a total hypocrite, which basically means that I have no problem being a bully to someone who I think really deserves it (i.e. other bullies).  So good for you, One Million Moms!  Now you have my attention.   And as you well know, there is nothing better than spreading awareness to help make the world a better place.  For the children.

This morning I stumbled on this article about how One Million Moms are outraged by Ben and Jerry's new ice cream flavour, "Schweddy Balls"  which, I think, is a touching tribute to the delightful humour stylings of Mr. Alec Baldwin.  This article tickled me in a few ways.  The fact that they are silly enough to protest over ice cream.  (Ice cream!) The fact that the Schweddy Balls skit is one of my all-time favourites.  The fact that One Million Moms had unwittingly placed a craving for Schweddy Balls in my mouth and how that double entendre is just a gift that keeps on giving.  Oh, I just can't help myself.  Here you go:

Man, that was funny!  Thanks, One Million Moms!  Anyway, something occurred to me.  I wonder what other awesome stuff I could learn about from my new-found friends at OMM?

Turns out that ice cream is not the only sinful treat under attack.

We don't have cable in our house.  We just kind of get by watching movies and stuff and that means I don't get to see commercials anymore. (It's amazing how not having a TV can protect you from such "dangerous" advertising.  Look into it, ladies.) Which must be the reason I missed this little gem:

Yes, it's kind of cheesy but I thought it was cute and damn! if I don't want those cookies now!  Thanks, One Million Moms!

(Not actually for sale at Walgreen's.  It was just really cute.)
What other products are out there that I didn't know about, ladies?  Like the fact that now I don't have to walk into some fetish store to buy myself my friend a sex toy?  Yup!  From now on it's as easy as going to my local Walgreens or Rite Aid website.  And you wouldn't believe the selection!  They have everything from various flavours of lubricant to dildos and butt plugs in every size and colour of the rainbow. Everything but this Hello Kitty I'm-not-totally-sure-exactly-how-this-works-as-a-sex-toy-but-they-kinda-look-like-nunchuks thing I've got going on over here.  Thanks, One Million Moms!

And speaking of sex, did you see any of that new show "The Playboy Club"?  I didn't.  But I will now.  One Million Moms are hilariously surprised-but-not-surprised that a show called "The Playboy Club" (airing at 10pm/9pm Central) has sex in it.  Here is OMM's description of what we can expect to see (spoiler alert!):

   -A short clip of an intense, graphic sex scene of a man with a Playboy bunny in one of the club's bathrooms.
   -A man attempting to rape a bunny whom she ended up murdering during the struggle.
   -Disposing of the body to later find out the man murdered was head of the mob.
   -Discussion of male genitalia size
   -A new diet in the '60s called "bulimia"
   -No swimsuits allowed in the pool during a party at the Playboy mansion
   -A husband having a difficult time with the idea of his wife working there but the stress on their marriage is dismissed by her because of the great money she is making.
   -A bunny making her money to help a homosexual group that she is a member of
   -Two half-dressed men who are secretly in a homosexual relationship.

Now, I don't know about you but that is a show I want to watch!  And all of that happens in the first episode!  Thanks, One Million Moms!

Yes, One Million Moms, I think I will be keeping up with you from now on so I can be sure to let my readers know what new, diabolical show or product you are crusading against.  I just know it will be sinfully good.


  1. I'm actually watching the Playboy Club right now!

  2. Now I'm a little disappointed that there's been talk of cancelling the Playboy Club after just one episode, that sounds awesome! I'm going to make everyone watch it so it sticks around. Also, Schweddy Balls not only tastes amazing, but makes me giggle every single time. What's not to like about that?!

  3. Yeah, I was mad at them for targeting the gay community but they REALLY crossed the line when they went after ice cream. Ain't nobody gonna go after my ice cream! Right now all I want in life is to sit and watch The Playboy Club while eating Schweddy Balls using Oreo cookies as a scoop. (Bliss!) Aghaghaghagh.....

  4. I'm leaving a little love letter here for the completely fucking insane Mr. Anthony Fernandes. Mr. Fernandes left a comment here that was so hate filled and ugly that, after some deliberation, I refused to post it. I don't usually like to not publish people's comments because I believe in free speech but I felt that Mr. Fernandes' words were not constructive in any possible way.

    Sir, it took me a little while to able to discern what exactly it was that you were saying/spewing at me. I sincerely hope that this is because English is not your native language and not a reflection of your actual literacy skills.

    I highly recommend that you read the New Testament of the Bible one of these days. As a follower of Christ it is incumbent on you to do as he commands you which is to love everyone and repay those who do "evil" with kindness. He was pretty fucking adamant about it.

    I have to say I'm a little disappointed in you. You're my very first troll and I meant to make great sport of my first troll whenever it managed to slink its way over to my blog by featuring it into a blog post. But your comments are so incoherent and repetitive as to be almost completely meaningless. Not to mention unoriginal. I mean, could you be any more boring? Shirley Phelps could fart better insults than you in her sleep.

    Anyway, I hope you have fun looking for more shit to piss you off on the internet. Feel free to come back here anytime because I love getting the page hits.

    All the best,

    Mommy Rotten