Wednesday 12 October 2011

Mommy's Magic Mirror

Oh, oh, oh!  Can't you see me?  Say my F-ing name already!
"Romper, bomper, stomper, boo,
Tell me, tell me, tell me, do.
Magic Mirror, tell me today,
Have all my friends had fun at play?"

-Miss Mary Ann, Romper Room
(picture from "Nowhere With Me")

Oh man, how me and my brothers used to sit in front of the TV, waving our hands like fools hoping she would see us through that '70's-fabulous, magic mirror of hers.  And that bitch never once said my name, not even some other kid with the same name as me.  I always walked away from that show feeling slightly disappointed.  Way to alienate your viewers PBS.  See if I hang around during pledge week.  Assholes.

Fuck PBS.   This is Mommy Rotten's magic mirror, where people get recognized on basis of merit.  I want to share with you the blogs that I think are just totally awesome.  These are the writers who I'm willing to spend what little spare time I have to go back and read all their older posts.  I like them so much that I want other people to enjoy them too, but I'm a lazy ass when it comes to updating my blogroll.  Much better to dedicate a post to it.

The first friend I see in my mirror is my friend Jen.  Yes, I know that all my friends are named "Jen" (my cute way of changing names to protect the innocent) but this Jen is a real Jen.  Jen is one of those people who generates laughter everywhere she goes.  She could have made a career of it.  Instead she offers her sense of funny to the world for free via The Welfare Store, a photo caption blog displaying an eclectic collection of WTF mixed up with genitals.  Holy crap, are there a lot of genitals!  (Seriously Jen, what is up with all the genitals?)   I love The Welfare Store, particularly the less-genitally oriented facebook page (Go! Like it now!), but recently she launched a new blog and I am hopelessly addicted.

If you are a fan of the freakshow that is Courtney Stodden, but you can't be bothered following her on Twitter, welcome to Stoddenverse, where Jen shares with you Mrs. Stodden's outstanding skills with adverbs, adjectives and alliteration.  Doug, Jen and I agree that Courtney is a gift to us from heaven, and ought to be shared generously with the world.  Some examples:

"Tastefully trotted through such a delicious day as the sun sweetly shined upon my body & kissed it like a piece of chocolate coated candy! ;-)"

"Sensually standing under the showers scalding hot stream of spice as it slowly starts to melt me into sweet sugar! Mmm It's Savoury Saturday!"

"Dripping with dazzling diamonds --Bikini Style--as I get ready to crawl into the pool for a morning dip... Meow! ;-)"

And at such a tender young age (17) I have a feeling that Mrs. Stodden will be fuelling Jen's blog for a long time to come.

The next friend that I see is Yvonne who writes Attracted to Shiny Things.  I think I stumbled across Yvonne here in Blogspot when I clicked "next blog" and she randomly appeared.  I was immediately sucked in by the title.  I too, am attracted to shiny things and love to joke about it

Yvonne writes about her life as a mother with ADHD, among many, many, many other things.  But I think all those other things are ultimately ADHD related.  I love hearing the voices of adults with ADHD because they can articulate the experience in a way that my son, being a child, cannot.  She has a unique and funny way of looking at the world and she tells great stories.  I wish I could get drunk with her.  Some of her posts include "Sorry I killed your chickens Grandma but you really should have given me more information", "Plant Rape. It's Out There." and "Cross-Dressing Stalker or Paleontologist? You Tell Me."

Go read her.  You won't be sorry.  If you like her then let her know.

And finally I see Bitches in the Burbs.  I've mentioned them before but they are worth mentioning again, they are awesome.  No one could out-bitch them and still be worth listening to.  They own and celebrate the bitch and they do it with style.  I am down with that.  The Bitches in the Burbs are a three woman team (Bitch 1, Bitch 2 and Bitch 3) who collaborate by writing about all the things that frustrate and annoy them in the most unapologetically, hilarious, bitchy voice they can.  Reading their posts is cathartic.  When I'm done I feel like I've unloaded my bitch angst and can go on with my day, renewed and refreshed.
And damn!  I just love what they do with Barbies!  Kind of makes me wish I still had my old dolls to play with.  Some of my favourite posts include "Meet the Cockers", "A Bitch Out of Water" and "Bitches on Lockdown".  Definitely go and like their facebook page but if you happen to be on Twitter it is worth it to follow Bitch 1 and Bitch 2 (sadly, Bitch 3 doesn't do Twitter).  These bitches are a great resource for finding other funny, snarkastic, writers just like them.

I have encountered so many great blogs that it was hard to choose which ones to feature. I'll be peeking into my Magic Mirror every once in a while and spread the funny around.  Happy reading!

1 comment:

  1. AH MAH GAH!!!!! I was just perusing the interwebs this fine Sunday afternoon and saw I hadn't visited your blog in a while. I saw myself on your blogroll and was SO HAPPY! I IMMEDIATELY went back to MY blogroll to add you to it. Then I checked facebook to see if that bitch Carla got the hint last night that I DO NOT WANT TO FUCKING DEBATE THE POLITICS OF BARACK OBAMA!!! I just wanted to say "yo, teachers. You go!" Then I clicked on her page and saw that she'd put some snarky update about "hearing the truth" and "narccisistic tunnels". WHAT THE FUCK EVAH, CARLA.

    Where was I? Oh yeah. SO THEN I came back here to read more and THAT'S WHEN I SAW IT!!! You WROTE ABOUT ME!!!

    So now I'm SUPER HAPPY!!! Yay!!!